When not being led by the Holy Spirit…
I work too much and too hard for too long,
because I believe the results are up to me.
I allow people to define me.
I work out of my own ability instead of allowing God to work through my ability. I can do this for some time. Then I crash and burn.
I become task driven instead of creativity motivated. This makes me tired and grumpy. Which makes me snap at people I love.
I become task driven instead of relationally oriented. Which leads me to treat people as objects to be used in my own personal game.
I become task driven instead of Christ centric. As though Jesus simply handed out a enormous cosmic to-do list.
I do not sleep enough.
I watch too much TV.
I read without listening.
I eat poorly.
I stop exercising.
I spend more money.
If I stay in this spiritual desert for too long, I start wandering after false images of oasis. My besetting sin haunts me in such places. My enemy, the devil, prowls around my camp like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
I ignore my children. Or rather, I allow the effort of parenting to eclipse the joy. They become projects to manage instead of gifts to open.
I listen less.
I talk more.
I do not accept my place in the scheme of things. So I steal other people’s opportunities to serve God by trying to do everything myself.
I go through the motions.
I accept the world’s version of success instead of holding out for God’s.
I fear my sins are bigger than the cross, grace is an illusion and forgiveness only goes to those who deserve it. Of whom I am not one.